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Ok, I have been told by some "genius" here on Yahoo Answers that I have Schizophrenia.
He said that he was an MTF/MFT or something and diagnosed me over the internet without any real information. He didn’t even try to gather any real information.

I would really like to know, and if you aren’t too sure, at least tell me to go see a therapist.
Understand that I’m broke, poor, and I don’t have any health insurance. I won’t even be able to pay co-pay. So pay attention…

My symptoms are as shown:

1) Sudden breaks of concentration and awareness, or "mind lapses".
This happens frequently throughout the day. Some days it never happens. Usually, this happens on a more frequent rate after I’ve gone with little or without any sleep. This symptom also USUALLY happens at NIGHT or later in the afternoons when it starts to get dark.
During the day, it never really happens at all, unless I haven’t had any sleep or have had very little.
NOTE: This is the main symptom, the one that happens most frequently. When I have this symptom, it freaks me out. When I have this symptom, it also causes me to panic and have to catch my breath to realize where i’m at and what i’m doing.
Now i’m to the point to where even when I have this sudden "lapse", I don’t have to remember where i’m at or what i’m doing, it just seems like the thoughts almost escape me for no reason.
Example: I’ll be walking into the grocery store, and suddenly i’ll completely lose my train of thought, awareness, and my mind will utterly go blank. I still know what i’m doing, but my mind is basically in a "blank" state. Sometimes this symptom lasts for up to a half hour at most.

2) Depersonalization/Derealization?
-Basically, I go through many moments throughout the day where I’ll be sitting there by myself or in the car with my wife, and i’ll see my hands/feet/arms/legs in my peripheral and feel like it belongs to someone else, or that they just don’t belong to me? Does this make any sense?
Also, I’ll be holding hands with my wife and see the same thing in my peripheral, except it ALMOST looks and feels like i’m holding a severed, dead hand… It’s like i’m looking at something lifeless and something that doesn’t belong to either one of us… but it does. This is only in my peripheral.. I take a look and clearly see that it belongs to my wife and I. I feel that I have to move my hand around for a second just to get the feeling back. Sometimes i’ll look at my own arms and legs and feel the same "depersonalization" as I did in my peripheral.. This is the most bizarre part of it all.
Does THIS mean that i’m a schizo?

3) Insomnia
-Out of fear of my condition, or paranoia that it would get worse. I’ve been on this computer day and night trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with me.

4) Paranoia (low degree)
-This paranoia isn’t me being paranoid about everyone or everything, or of things that are illogical.. This paranoia is about my health. This was caused by the panic attack that I had about a month and a half ago.

5) Panic Attacks
-This started after I tried smoking Marijuana for the first time, an idiotic mistake…
After I smoked, I began having bad panic attacks, some that lasted for days at a time. Lately, in the past 2 or 3 days, I haven’t had any at all. I’ve been doing online therapy, and it’s seemed to have worked. After the day I smoked pot, I remained delusional for almost a whole month and a half, until the last few days where I’ve been getting better and better, although I am still showing symptoms 1 and 2, and sometimes 3.

My delusional thoughts included fear that I "was being posessed by a demon" or something. I’m very Roman Catholic. The reason I felt this way, is because I felt powerless and out of control (in relation to my Panic Attacks). I felt that I lived in fear, which is another sign of demonic attacks.
If you don’t share beliefs in "demonic attacks", then please keep your comments about this to yourselves. I have exercised my rights to practice whatever religious preference that I choose via the United States Constitution.
Remember: I DID NOT say that I was being posessed, but that I felt utter and severe fear of it, because of the Panic Attacks. I did not feel anything taking over me, I did not feel anything passing through me, I did not see anything abnormal, I did not hear anything abnormal. I only said that I FEARED of it. *****Don’t confuse this with hallucinations*****

Based on the information that i’ve provided, please tell me what you believe and why you believe it.
If you’re a mental health professional, I feel that your professional opinion matters the most.

Someone please, answer me please… If I’m not a schizo, please tell me to get on with my life and tell me why I’m not one.
If I am, or if I could be a schizo, please tell me to go visit an emergency mental health hospital, and tell me why.

Thanks all, every little bit helps!
Some of the things that you should know (here, I’ll go further in depth about the symptoms..):

-I don’t hear or see things that aren’t there, at all. The only thing odd that i’ve experienced, is that when I was in the barber shop today, it felt like sound suddenly amplified after literally everyone in the entire room began talking all at once, and this began irritating me. It sounded like the sounds got louder and I almost freaked out because of it, mainly because it broke my concentration and caused another mind lapse. I talked to my wife about it, and she said that she experienced the same thing! My wife is very normal, she’s definitely not a schizo. She’s just recently had psych evals because of the hospital she just started working at. I’ve spent the entire week with my wife and have had her observe me.
My wife says that a lot of the symptoms i’ve been experiencing, she’s experienced herself and that it’s part of life. Those symptoms include:-On some days, I have frequent "brainfarts" or "lapses" in my train of thought (this is the MAIN ONE. this is the one that freaks me out the most.. the feeling usually occurs while i’m doing things like, riding in the car, shopping, cleaning, using the bathroom,

-Sometimes sounds either get louder or weaker, depending on my "mental awareness" or "state of mind". If I have one of those "lapses", then my senses seem to heighten or change. Sometimes lights get brighter, sometimes sounds get louder. This doesn’t happen very often, but does.

-It feels like during these "mind lapses", I have "grey-outs" or my "concentration in vision" suddenly either breaks completely momentarily (for up to a couple of minutes at a time), or breaks in and out more frequently.
***So at this point: mainly, it’s my concentration and train of thought. I don’t get freaked out for no reason, I don’t see or hear things that aren’t there, or anything. I don’t hallucinate, and I can distinguish between actual reality and things that are from my imagination.

If you are in any position to help, please, help me out and tell me your honest and professional opinion. I’m honestly, very scared.

If you have any questions that would help you diagnose, then please ask away; I will add them to the details.

Sincerely,

Shawn
Ok everyone, i’ve got a little bit of news.
The good news is, I know that i’m not a schizo.
The bad news is, I’ve found out that i’m a "thantaphobic"?
Thantaphobia is the fear of death. Often, this can be associated with Hypochondria, which my wife is 100% sure that I have. I’m beginning to believe that I have hypochondria associated with thantophobia, which has brought on panic and anxiety.
I believe that I am also showing symptoms of PTSD because of my first panic attack.

PTSD doesn’t mean that you’ve been to the combat zone, that you’ve watched someone get killed right in front of you, or that you saw something utterly horrible happen. PTSD can occur even after a car accident.

My conclusion is that during my first panic attack, I got so utterly terrified that I developed at least minor PTSD, became a hypochondriac, as well as a thantophobic.

If anyone else has any objection, or wishes to reassure me, please give me your thoughts.

Thank you sincerely!!

-Shawn

 

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